Dating yourself
Date yourself first: What a new concept.
Relationships make us feel alive. They bring light and meaning to our day-to-day routines. All healthy couples sincerely aspire to live happily in love by each other’s side. So, what’s the underlying secret to this ultimate goal of long-lasting, fulfilled, and soulful relationships?
It’s all about understanding one sacred truth: we humans can only be happy in a relationship when we are happy with ourselves. Only if you are self-sufficient, complete, full, and happy will you will be able to become a healthy and loving partner to your beloved. So, how can you make this happen? I would like to introduce a new idea to you,
How about dating yourself?
Self-dating is a total game changer. When you invest time, money, and energy into yourself, you receive an extremely generous payback. Self-dating makes you believe you are worth it all. Your eyes start shining, your face starts smiling, and your skin smells of self-love.
At first, it might be something new to you to do something alone. It will help you get past the fear of being alone because you will now see you have the most amazing person with you always!! That is amazing, you!
Some people might misinterpret why one may want to go on a “date” with oneself. It might seem narcissistic to some, or selfish but that’s completely off. It’s important to go on a date with yourself because if you can’t love yourself, who will? Self-love is not selfish.
If you only depend on others for happiness, you’ll be disappointed in the end. But, if you take a small portion of your time and dedicate it strictly to yourself by putting your phone on silent, ignoring the incoming texts, and focusing solely on spending time with yourself (as you would with any other date), you’ll slowly find the inner peace that you were relying on others to find.
Are you afraid of being alone? Do you fear not finding someone who might love you? Have you been in a past relationship you just cannot get past? If you answered yes to these questions. I can help you see how dating yourself can shift and heal your life.
By dating yourself you will realize you do not need another soul to give you a confirmation as to your worthiness you can use this period of your life to heal from all the brokenness that you have suffered. You may realize putting on a Band-Aid every time you have a gash isn’t the best way to solve things. You need to first clean up the wound, disinfect the area, add ointment to the injury, then wrap a Band-Aid around yourself.
There are steps for healing, yet It takes patience. Most seek quick resolutions, but it only delays the healing process in the end.
Just as it takes steps and time for a physical wound to heal, the same applies to emotional wounds.
The best way to heal from a broken heart is to redirect your energy toward yourself, not your exes or the wrong people who entered your life.
3 things You can do to help heal your broken heart.
1)“Be mindful of self-talk, Often our self-talk is less than kind. All our should have, could have, would have. Be gentle with yourself. Try on some I am affirmations. You can find positive I am affirmations on YouTube
2)Often anxiety comes on after a break -up become rooted in the present moment, practice deep breathing Exercises.
3) Meditation is a great way to connect with that inner you, there are some great ways to meditate. There are various kinds of meditation. Take your time and explore different ones. I have many blogs on meditation. http://wendyjohnsonslifecoaching.com
There is a lot of emphasis in our culture on romantic love. A lot of people think that finding the right partner will somehow make them “whole”, fill an inner void, and solve all of their problems. However, another person can never do all of these things for you. You have to do them for yourself. That is, you have to fall in love with yourself.
Falling in love with yourself will allow you to do all of the following:
- Give yourself what you need, instead of waiting for others to do so.
- Embrace both your strengths and your weaknesses.
- Be gentle with yourself when you make a mistake or fail.
- Be comfortable with doing things alone.
- Know you’re in your corner, even if nobody else is.
- Know that you’re enough.
- Have the confidence to go after what you want.
So, what might a date with yourself look like? Hanging out in front of the television watching a movie and eating popcorn in your comfy PJs you just didn’t have the energy to get out of that day?
Ask these questions. How important would you feel to yourself? Would that look or feel any different than a normal day?
Now think about this you will be spending time with “someone” who knows your deepest, darkest secrets, who is there to celebrate your happiest triumphs, who is there during the times when you cry with a broken heart. Who understands your little quirks and pet peeves, who is there in the lowest points of your life, who has been there since the beginning of time when you were born, and who will be there until the day you take your last breath?
You are on a date with yourself, the person who sacrificed the most when you loved the wrong person, as you were learning how to love and embrace your self.
Ask yourself:
What is it that lights you up?
I recommend that you plan out a special date for yourself. Maybe even an entire day. Take some time and get ready for this special date with the most awesome person you will ever have the opportunity to go on a date with. YOU!
So as a woman maybe have your nails done in preparation just as you might if you were going on a first date with someone else. Remember no one has supported you more through tough times and been there for you every step of the way. Take the time to put on makeup and do the things that make you feel like the most amazing human that you are. Wear that perfume you love. Your favorite outfit that lights you up.
As a man dress in your best, trim up your facial hair, or shave. Wear what makes you light up and feel amazing. We all have that favorite outfit. Wear cologne you are out to impress the most amazing person you know. YOU
Go see that movie you have been dying to see. Make a dinner reservation at a restaurant You have always wanted to go to but never have.
If you start to doubt why you should do this for yourself here is an amazing example
When it’s a friend’s birthday I get all “lovey-dovey” as I write the card, and I tend to look back at our friendship and its history. I think about the happiest moments with this friend, and I’d also think of our painful ones, as well.
I’d remember how good this friend made me feel when he or she encouraged or gave me wise advice. You need to apply this same concept to yourself.
Think of all the times you were alone or felt alone. Think of all the times you felt like you were on top of the world. There is only one person in this world who has experienced every minute and second of your life with you.
You are the only person who was there, even when your close loved ones, family, and friends couldn’t be by your side.
. You are the only one who has battled your inner demons, who understands the pain and worries and struggles, who understands why certain things annoy you the way they do and who knows all the secrets and concerns that you can’t even seem to share with your best friend
You are the only one who has felt the pain that you can’t describe. You’ve seen yourself in the most vulnerable state you’ve ever been in when you felt like you hit rock bottom.
You’ve been the one who cried yourself to sleep or pushed yourself to wake up and get another day of life started.
It is only you who ultimately has the power to control the destiny of your happiness. And, it is ultimately only you who has the power to make your dreams come true as well.
Love yourself, embrace yourself, and go on a first date with yourself. Hold your head high and if anyone asks if you are alone simply say NO I am with me. We are dating. It’s a great conversation starter and you will get big smiles.
How would I know that? I recently did it. The man’s response was there is no one better. Honestly, the first time may feel a little bit uncomfortable. However, most firsts are.
What feelings come up?
I date myself regularly and I am married. I date him too. LOL. I can remember thoughts like what if people think I can’t get a date? Or I am weird, my mind was racing. Then I decided to use a process I was taught by Jerry and Ester hicks called the Rampage of appreciation process. Simply direct pleasant thoughts in your mind. Look around your immediate environment and gently notice something that pleases you. Hold your attention on this object as you consider how wonderful, beautiful, or useful it is. As you focus, your positive feelings about it will increase. Choose another object of attention that easily evokes your appreciation. Focus on those things that feel good to you.
For example, if you are sitting at the table and find yourself feeling anxious and your thoughts become negative with nerves. Simply look around and notice something pleasing to you such as your dress. Think about when you bought the dress and how good you feel in the dress. How perfect it is for you and how much you appreciate its style and how it is flattering to your figure than maybe move down to the shoes that match it so perfectly. It will shift your energy vibration just enough to help keep you from going down a rabbit hole of negative thoughts. You Got this!! I am a people watcher its amazing how many people go out alone. You most likely will not be the only one.
To sum up, if you want to have a happy long-lasting relationship start with a happy you. It is a way to independence, freedom, and true love. And these are the real basic elements of a healthy relationship you will be part of. Entering a sacred love duet as a happy person in the first place brings enormous light and makes your world a great place to live in.