How can you help someone who is grieving?

 It is not always about what we “should” say. How do you help someone who is grieving? Someone who is grieving may not feel up to chatting. Simply leaving them a message can make their day. It also lets them know they are thought of and loved.

What we “should” say to support someone grieving

Listening to a griever is important. They feel heard when we listen without judgment. Often immediately after the loss, the griever receives a lot of attention. In the weeks to come things cool off a bit and one may become lonely or feel forgotten. Sending a griever a simple text message or giving them a phone call checking in on them. You may even ask them for coffee or shopping or even gaming. This will let them know they are not alone as well as help heal that broken heart.

Be patient with a griever

Another important thing is to be patient with one that is grieving. Keep in mind that grieving does not come with a timeline. Each one of us grieves in a different manner and there is no timeline. When grieving we have good days and not so good days and great days. At times one may feel on top of the world, then all of a sudden a smell or a memory can shift a griever into tears and memories. From experience, this can be a whole-body experience, not something that is just in your head. You can not just flip a switch and be ok again.  I can remember being in the grocery store, about 6 months after my son had passed. A mom walked by with her beautiful new baby. After they walked past me, feelings of complete devastation overcame me, uncontrollable tears flowing down my face. It was not seeing the baby but the smell. My body remembered it, still today 16 years later when I smell baby magic tears flow. The experience has softened greatly. Grief does not have a timeline or a set of rules that come with it. When it hits a person they often feel out of control. As loved ones, all we can do is allow and not judge. Listen to them at the moment Just sit with them and be, hug them if that is appropriate. Grief can catch one by surprise, help them to not feel judged for their feelings for this will just cause them to stuff the feelings deep inside, and create all-new issues such as sickness.

Avoiding grief

Another way to help a loved one who is grieving is to help them to not avoid the grief.  4 ways people avoid grief

1. Drugs or alcohol. This is a way to numb the pain of grief.
2. Workaholic becoming a workaholic takes up any time one may have to think or feel the pain or loss.
3. Getting lost in gaming or social media is also a way of avoiding and numbing oneself.
4. Overeating or not eating at all. This is one trying to fill a void in an unhealthy way

If a griever does not accept their sadness it will not just go away. It will create underlying issues that will eventually surface, most often creating additional pain of some kind. Taking the time to be sad is what ultimately gets one through the grief. When one cries it is a cleansing process that washes away those stored negative energies or feelings allowing a place for happy memories to shine, or simply positive energies that will help us cope with the loss.

It is important to take as much time as you need to grieve. Grievers are often pushed to get back into their regular routine as soon as possible. Employers usually allow 3-5 days to grieve. It is important to take as much time as one may need.

To sum it up one that is grieving needs to take their time and not rush the grieving process. Those who are supporting the griever should listen without judgment.

We will be covering the three components of grief next

• Spiritual
• Physical
• And emotional